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Conan O'Brien
by By ULM’s Nostalgic Staffers
We started this magazine a year ago and were
psyched to have Jimmy Fallon for our
inaugural issue. Since then, we’ve been
hankering for a comrade in late night laughter,
Conan O’Brien.
After 22 years with NBC (first as a writer on Saturday
Night Live 1987-1991, then as host of Late Night with Conan
O’Brien for 1592 episodes and finally as the face of the
Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, 2009-2010) he was shoved
off the network plane with a platinum parachute rumored
to be $35 million. Our vision of a perfect interview for our
Anniversary Issue was dashed before it could materialize.
Sadly, the network executives demanded that O’Brien muffle
his witty self (with a strict ‘no interview’ clause)—frankly,
they probably wish he’d choke on that parachute too.
O’Brien issued one, classy statement about his departure
from the Peacock but has been on radio silence ever since.
ULM however, is ever hopeful and we will continue our
efforts to interview Mr. O. Perhaps we’ll get a chance to chat
with him at one of the venues he is scheduled to play at during
his Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Tour
which will take the former Late Night King to 30 cities in the
western USA starting in the middle of this month.
People of Earth:
In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by
making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me . For 17 years, I’ve
been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been
absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my
bosses are demanding an immediate decision.
Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of
2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to
one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that
opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally
hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was
my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and,
just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule . Building
a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.
But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight
Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by
making a change in their long-established late night schedule.
Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05
to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired
immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight
Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage
what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight
Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking
the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy
Fallon, out of its long-held time slot . That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I
love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.
So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program
and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it . My
staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to
the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its
destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a
time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.
There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record
straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next .
My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a
show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work .
Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been
that way.
Yours,
Conan
-
ULM: Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to
answer some questions.
CO:
-
ULM: You’re taking your show, Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on
Television Tour on the road and will be in Los Angeles on April 24 at the
Gibson Amphitheater. What can your fans expect from this live show?
CO:
-
ULM: How is your stand-up show similar and different in comparison to
Late Night with Conan O’Brien?
CO:
-
ULM: Where do you hide all those millions from the settlement with NBC?
CO:
-
ULM: Please finish this analogy: The peacock is to NBC as ___ is to Conan
O’Brien.
CO:
-
ULM: Now that you have some
free time, have you checked out
Jay Leno’s show? Thoughts?
CO:
-
ULM: It has been said that you
will be back on TV this fall, what
network should our readers be
watching?
CO:
-
ULM: What hair products do
you use? Or do you just let it go
ragged now that you don’t have
the show? Props on the beard,
BTW.
CO:
-
ULM: You interviewed a
“squirrel.” Of all the celebs
you’ve interviewed who was less
interesting than the squirrel?
CO:
-
ULM: I see your squirrel friend
has a Twitter account. Do you
guys Tweet each other on a
regular basis?
CO:
-
ULM: Speaking of Twitter. Six
months ago you randomly began
following Sarah Killen’s Twitter
page. What was your method on
following Sarah Killen’s Twitter
page? Are you going to follow
anyone else?
CO:
-
ULM: You’re only 4 million
from catching up to Ashton as
the most popular guy on Twitter.
How does that feel?
CO:
-
ULM: Are interviews the worst
part about being famous? You
hate interviews, right?
CO:
-
ULM: But, you like this one,
right?
CO:
And we await the responses:
Perhaps on Twitter… (wink, wink).
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